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I meant to post this a few days back, since I dreamed it I think Saturday night? For the record, I haven't watched all that much 30 Rock...
I couldn't tell you how the dream opened, and my memory is shaky and vague on most points. I remember snippets. The first was that Liz Lemon had fallen for this corporate guy who didn't seem to return the feeling, and she was in her office talking with another woman (couldn't tell you who) about how she was in love with this man.
Woman: "But why him? He's older, he's oblivious, he's callous, he's overweight. You might as well fall for-"
Jack knocks on the doorframe. "Lemon, a moment?"
Woman: "...Oh."
More vague summary, the corporate man made it clear to Liz he didn't like her, in public somehow (maybe he dumped her in the middle of what was supposed to be a date? really not sure. Thanks brain.) and Liz got his hotel reservation erased, credit card accounts closed, maybe had him declared legally dead? Basically she made a big mess of things for him. He was forced to start over elsewhere, continuously sending Liz hatemail for ruining his life. Woman2 convinces Liz that as long as he sends her hatemail, it means he still has passionate feelings for her.
I remember Liz doing a weepy romantic sigh, and then somehow finding out he's on an airplane in danger.
WTF subconscious? It only gets worse from here on out.
I remember a brief scene, corporate man in suit with briefcase on the private plane, with... Adam West. Complete with the silky retro Batman costume. I think it was like the cliffhanger cut scene just before commercial break.
Next scene was Liz and Woman2 getting ready to heroically rescue them. There was some kind of brief discussion of Powerpuff girls. Liz was dressed in a silky, tight, but slightly dorky femme pseudo-Batman costume. "Do you think it's too much?"
Woman2 was dressed in a silky sexy femme pseudo-Robin costume, "No, you want to make an impression."
Then Woman3 popped in, and she looked a little like Ugly Betty, which is a show I've seen only a few bits and pieces of. She was wearing another silky pseudo-Robin costume, with fake fur trim, and short shorts. "Sorry I'm late!"
Woman2 "That looks... can you even run in that?"
Woman3 "Not really but it's okay, there's a zipper to make it looser!" She proceeded to pull a zipper... that started at the waist and went down between the legs. "See? and there's another one in back..."
Liz "OKAY! Let's get going!"
*waking brain facepalms*
Somehow, our three heroes got to the private jet, despite the fact it was in the air. I think there might have been some brief conflict between Liz Lemon and Adam West about the airplane only being big enough for one Batman. I'm sure there was some kind of witty conversation, which my subconscious glossed over to save me. I know the corporate man was discussing things with the women. "We think there may be a bomb in the plane!"
Adam West lunged back into the main room from the kitchenette- yes, the private jet had a kitchenette with a big metal sink full of dirty dishes, mostly travel mugs. "One of the cups has a tiny red light, and... it's flashing!"
Clearly my brain's editor fell down on the job here, there should have been cheesy dramatic music. There wasn't.
Woman3 "I'll take care of it!" And she lunged into the kitchen and... started washing the travel mug with the flashing light. "But I'm only doing this one! You guys have to wash the rest!"
I think the laugh track woke me up groaning... I rarely dream about TV, but every now and again my brain tries to concoct a whole episode for me to watch in my sleep, maybe because it thinks I don't spend enough time watching TV during the week? We turn the TV on maybe once a week, seriously. It's just not worth it. I watch more TV at the pretty girl's parent's house, because they have cable, although I usually try to find Mythbusters there.
Aaanyways! I apologize to anyone who just read the above dream. If you want something that might actually be funny, this morning somebody in the Endless Forest community linked this and I'd be happy to see other people's stuff, if just to erase the dream from my mind. That zipper... oh god.
Thunderously Tripping
Dirk tripped along enthusiastically. He was on his way to meet his lover, the red hat, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see an aardvark hopping along, carrying a book in its mouth.
Dirk was almost under the carpet when he came across a dusty cake, lying alone on a shabby plate. "That must be a treat from my crimson bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked ugly, so he ate it.
It gave him the most puce tingling sensation in his glasses. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see the red hat.
When the red hat came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Dirk cried wearily.
"Your nose! And your foot!" the red hat said. "They're vermillion! Can't you feel it?"
Dirk felt his nose and his foot. They were indeed quite vermillion. "Oh, no!" Dirk said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that dusty cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," the red hat said. "I got you a cigarette. It must have been that green-striped man who lives nearby. He acts a little slyly, ever since he whacked an i-ching calculator."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Dirk sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," the red hat said sheepishly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your nose is really tired like that."
"Really?" Dirk dried her tears. Dirk kissed the red hat and it was an entirely poor sensation, like the wrath of the gods.
They spent the night having entirely poor sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
Hunh. Must've been an LOL. Dirk should know better than to eat things left lying around the Nexus.
I couldn't tell you how the dream opened, and my memory is shaky and vague on most points. I remember snippets. The first was that Liz Lemon had fallen for this corporate guy who didn't seem to return the feeling, and she was in her office talking with another woman (couldn't tell you who) about how she was in love with this man.
Woman: "But why him? He's older, he's oblivious, he's callous, he's overweight. You might as well fall for-"
Jack knocks on the doorframe. "Lemon, a moment?"
Woman: "...Oh."
More vague summary, the corporate man made it clear to Liz he didn't like her, in public somehow (maybe he dumped her in the middle of what was supposed to be a date? really not sure. Thanks brain.) and Liz got his hotel reservation erased, credit card accounts closed, maybe had him declared legally dead? Basically she made a big mess of things for him. He was forced to start over elsewhere, continuously sending Liz hatemail for ruining his life. Woman2 convinces Liz that as long as he sends her hatemail, it means he still has passionate feelings for her.
I remember Liz doing a weepy romantic sigh, and then somehow finding out he's on an airplane in danger.
WTF subconscious? It only gets worse from here on out.
I remember a brief scene, corporate man in suit with briefcase on the private plane, with... Adam West. Complete with the silky retro Batman costume. I think it was like the cliffhanger cut scene just before commercial break.
Next scene was Liz and Woman2 getting ready to heroically rescue them. There was some kind of brief discussion of Powerpuff girls. Liz was dressed in a silky, tight, but slightly dorky femme pseudo-Batman costume. "Do you think it's too much?"
Woman2 was dressed in a silky sexy femme pseudo-Robin costume, "No, you want to make an impression."
Then Woman3 popped in, and she looked a little like Ugly Betty, which is a show I've seen only a few bits and pieces of. She was wearing another silky pseudo-Robin costume, with fake fur trim, and short shorts. "Sorry I'm late!"
Woman2 "That looks... can you even run in that?"
Woman3 "Not really but it's okay, there's a zipper to make it looser!" She proceeded to pull a zipper... that started at the waist and went down between the legs. "See? and there's another one in back..."
Liz "OKAY! Let's get going!"
*waking brain facepalms*
Somehow, our three heroes got to the private jet, despite the fact it was in the air. I think there might have been some brief conflict between Liz Lemon and Adam West about the airplane only being big enough for one Batman. I'm sure there was some kind of witty conversation, which my subconscious glossed over to save me. I know the corporate man was discussing things with the women. "We think there may be a bomb in the plane!"
Adam West lunged back into the main room from the kitchenette- yes, the private jet had a kitchenette with a big metal sink full of dirty dishes, mostly travel mugs. "One of the cups has a tiny red light, and... it's flashing!"
Clearly my brain's editor fell down on the job here, there should have been cheesy dramatic music. There wasn't.
Woman3 "I'll take care of it!" And she lunged into the kitchen and... started washing the travel mug with the flashing light. "But I'm only doing this one! You guys have to wash the rest!"
I think the laugh track woke me up groaning... I rarely dream about TV, but every now and again my brain tries to concoct a whole episode for me to watch in my sleep, maybe because it thinks I don't spend enough time watching TV during the week? We turn the TV on maybe once a week, seriously. It's just not worth it. I watch more TV at the pretty girl's parent's house, because they have cable, although I usually try to find Mythbusters there.
Aaanyways! I apologize to anyone who just read the above dream. If you want something that might actually be funny, this morning somebody in the Endless Forest community linked this and I'd be happy to see other people's stuff, if just to erase the dream from my mind. That zipper... oh god.
Thunderously Tripping
Dirk tripped along enthusiastically. He was on his way to meet his lover, the red hat, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see an aardvark hopping along, carrying a book in its mouth.
Dirk was almost under the carpet when he came across a dusty cake, lying alone on a shabby plate. "That must be a treat from my crimson bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked ugly, so he ate it.
It gave him the most puce tingling sensation in his glasses. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see the red hat.
When the red hat came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Dirk cried wearily.
"Your nose! And your foot!" the red hat said. "They're vermillion! Can't you feel it?"
Dirk felt his nose and his foot. They were indeed quite vermillion. "Oh, no!" Dirk said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that dusty cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," the red hat said. "I got you a cigarette. It must have been that green-striped man who lives nearby. He acts a little slyly, ever since he whacked an i-ching calculator."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Dirk sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," the red hat said sheepishly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your nose is really tired like that."
"Really?" Dirk dried her tears. Dirk kissed the red hat and it was an entirely poor sensation, like the wrath of the gods.
They spent the night having entirely poor sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
Hunh. Must've been an LOL. Dirk should know better than to eat things left lying around the Nexus.
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What follows I 100% blame on you:
To Maliciously Dance
Sarah and Daniel were celebrating an organized Valentine's Day together. Sarah had cooked a silky dinner and they ate up a tree by candlelight.
"My darling," Daniel said, stroking Sarah's spleen, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Sarah. "It is but a spicy token of my ugly love."
Sarah opened the box. Inside was a dramatic weed-whacker! She gazed at it darkly. Then she gazed at Daniel darkly. "It's juicy," Sarah said. "Come here and let me dance you."
Just then, a translucent crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a spastic squirrel that is climbing up your leg, looking for a treat.. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a wet voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Daniel read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."
They stared at each other sweatily as the crone cackled some more. Sarah's earlobe began to tremble. Then Daniel shrugged, pulled out an orchid, and hit the crone on her finger. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Sarah said and kissed Daniel cutely. "This is an over-rated Valentine's Day!"
They overtly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they overate each other all night long.
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*Dies* OMG He stroked her spleeen! Wow. That is some cracktastic stuff there.
You know, the way Dark City works, they really could be.
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Not before I get you again!
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Irma and Tom went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Irma hit Tom in his eyelid with a big bald iceball. It hurt a lot, but Irma kissed it tastily and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really smelly snow man!" Irma said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Tom said. "That would be more sensitive and politically correct."
"I know," Irma said. "We can make a snow gorilla. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up heavily and made a hairy snow gorilla. Irma put on a ramen noodle for the nostril. The gorilla was almost as big as Tom.
"It looks shiny," Irma said boringly. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Tom said and held up an outrageous thermometer. "I found this under the sea." He put the thermometer onto the gorilla's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the gorilla, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a drunk weasel that has gotten into the bag of potato chips.
Tom screamed sweetly and ran but the snow gorilla chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow gorilla audited him nastily.
"Nobody does that to my little Tangy T-shirt," Irma screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow gorilla through the knee. It fell down and Irma kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Tom said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The thermometer lay in the yard until an underweight child picked it up and took it home.
Re: Not before I get you again!
Re: Not before I get you again!
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The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Courtney strode along the path, making for Round Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, she carried the Ticklish Rock, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Lip.
A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave her warning and she drew her snowy keyboard just in time to face the pink man who flew at her with such grace that she was almost dazzled.
The man struck contentedly, and Courtney barely raised her keyboard to meet the attack. They fought long and independently until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.
At last, Courtney found herself forced to one knee, the man's keyboard pressed to her dangerous eyelash. "I am Thorn of Round Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Ticklish Rock. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you behind a shelf."
But Courtney had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up her keyboard with a twist, overpowered Thorn and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Courtney said, looking down upon him.
Thorn's toe shimmered like a kitten that runs around like a maniac then falls asleep in the sink. "I have underestimated you, Courtney. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."
Courtney's desire was enflamed. Her eyelash throbbed and all her thoughts were to snack Thorn like a tiger. Courtney caressed Thorn's wolfish toe and he responded. They came together belligerently, and their joining was as feathery as their battle, and also much louder.
"Ah, my sweet doorknob!" Courtney groaned and snacked Thorn as bitterly as she could.
"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"
"Oh," Courtney said. "That's where I put the Ticklish Rock for safekeeping. Sorry."
When they had finished their romp, they drowsed serenely on the grass, forgetful of all but their cherubic love. "We will stay together forever," Thorn said, and they began all over again.
And so it was that the Wizard Lip never got the Ticklish Rock and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
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