My guess: Your socks are mutating into non-matching black socks (mine do this), and your forks are transforming into makeup.

I eventually made a separate box of strictly Hallowe'en makeup. Strange how much of it there turned out to be.

For what it's worth, yeah, I definitely give a crap. More specifically, it feels crappy not to be able to help one's friends; but spiritually and metaphorically, I'm behind you all the way. I know you'll come out well.